The Truth About My Long-Distance Relationship
Updated: Oct 10, 2018
Happy Thursday everyone! I don’t know about y'all but I feel like this week has been crazy busy for everyone. Everyone seems sleep deprived and stressed and I am definitely on board with that. Starting up my job again has left me with four-five hours of sleep a night and running around for nineteen hours of the day. I’m blessed that all these hours are being put into things I love! Like acting class, rehearsals, and well, making money. Unfortunately this type of running around is very bad for the health problems I’ve been experiencing but soon things will all balance out! It seems as every week goes on, the busier and more motivated I get. Every day I achieve a new goal that gets me closer to the ultimate one. I could not be more blessed and excited.
Rehearsals have officially kicked off for the play I'm in: Black Dog directed by Gillian Lelchuk to be shown at the Charm City Fringe Festival in November. I am super excited to be playing the lead in this play and get into character development! #yas
Now onto the blog topic...
Since yesterday was #NationalBoyfriendDay I’d figured I’d talk about mine. I’m not going to write a whole blog obsessing over my boyfriend but there’s an aspect about our relationship that's quite rare and I’m not sure many people know — we are long-distance and we’ve known nothing different. I think that’s really special and different than most relationships. This blog will talk about just how long distance has worked for me, helped me grow as an individual, and see the world in a different light. (Maybe it's Luke that does all that but I can't give him that much credit.) If anyone is thinking about going long-distance, need help getting through one, or has ever been curious about it, this is the blog for you!
I like to keep my relationship private so I won’t be going super into detail, however, I figure it will help to explain how we got started. Luke and I met while I was at Virginia Tech. (He was the super cute guy that I mentioned in the past blog post.) However, nothing happened between us until the day I got home from leaving Tech. Yep, you heard it right. I submitted the forms to withdraw from the school, I left… and the day I got home he made a move. Classic. Well, I was certainly on cloud nine that my crush expressed some interest and I didn’t let him go. Two weeks later, we had our first date. He drove down four hours to meet up with me and we had a ten-hour first date... The most fun and comfortable first date of my life. It was January in DC and we toured almost every museum, went ice skating, walked around the National Mall, went into an old-country restaurant which had amazing food and were somehow the only two there while they had a performer play for us, and watched the planes take off from Reagan National Airport. What.
Three days later, I drove up four hours and spent the day in his hometown. I met his family, we went four-wheeling, we saw a lame movie, and somehow toured an entire museum alone. After our first two dates, we drove down/up almost every two days just to see each other. One month later, I left to move to California and we agreed we’d stay talking just to see what happens. We agreed we'd catch back up after three months when I'd come home again. After just three weeks in California, we realized how difficult it was to be away from each other, so he hopped on a five-hour long plane ride and we adventured and traveled all over California for a week… hopping on boats and biking around islands, sleeping under the stars in the desert, jumping into freezing waters at Laguna Beach, and hitting almost any tourist spot possible. It was the best week of my life, a week that changed everything for us.
After that week, we went seven weeks without seeing each other. Thank God it wasn't three months. Then after being with each other for just two weeks, I'd say goodbye again as I moved to San Francisco and we would have to go another two months without seeing each other. After a dragon two months, he flew back to California where we took on a 9-day cross country road trip before he went back to his full-time job in Pennsylvania.
Two months later and now, we live four hours away from each other again and usually get to see each other twice a month, which I couldn’t be more thankful for. The way our relationship works is that: no matter what the situation, the closest we will ever be to each other is a four hour drive. We have taken planes, trains, buses, and cars just to be with one another for a few hours and the effort that we both put in has made us so much stronger. I think the effort necessary for a long-distance relationship is much different to the effort those put into a relationship with closer proximity.
Starting off our relationship long-distance was something many people advised me not to do. They said it wouldn’t work, it wouldn’t be smart, and we would both just end up getting hurt. (So for a good while, I kept things hush hush, and plan to keep the majority of our relationship that same way.) I think that in any relationship, this will always be the risk. Go big or go home I guess. In a situation like that, you’re the only one who can gauge what you and the other are truly capable of. I knew that what we had was so different right off the bat, and even then, I wasn’t ready to pass it up. (I mean who has a ten-hour first date where the guy drove four hours just to meet you and then drove four hours home at the end of the night? I mean, c’mon.)
There’s something so amazing about a long-distance relationship. I have heard that they either bring you closer or pull you apart. Long-distance requires effort. I think many people are scared to be vulnerable to effort. But, I’ll get to that later. In any relationship, but especially long-distance, it begins to get rocky when there isn’t an equal amount of effort. The effort we both put in, prevents our relationship from ever getting dull. We are constantly going on adventures, every time we see each other it’s a new adventure, filled with polaroids and saved tickets. In a true long-distance relationship you and your partner make every effort just to catch a glimpse of one another and that is so special in a relationship. Our feelings are completely mutual and have be this way or else the relationship would fail. I think that’s a bit of a difference between other relationships because, well, if someone’s feelings aren’t mutual in a LD relationship, then they won’t make the four hour drive to see you for a night. Long-distance (LD) is fantastic in that: every time you get to see one another it’s like a breath of fresh air and every day is so valued by the other. We have never fought or had stupid bickering just because we know how limited our time is together and we value each other so much as people that there’s not a minute of happiness we want to waste. We are continuously putting work into each other’s happiness as best friends and as partners.
Time is stressed in a long-distance relationship. Time is stressed in every relationship. I think people forget that time is stressed just in general. Life. Is. Short. I think if everyone could treat their relationship as if it was long-distance, many relationships would last longer. There are these sayings about “honeymoon phases” and such of the sort, but I think people accept these sayings and deem them as true and let the happiness become a phase. Any relationship can be a honeymoon if you truly value time with the other.
Long-distance does become hard. There are times where we see each other for one day, we have to leave, and we have no idea when we’ll see each other next. That is heartbreaking. Especially with our busy, driven lives we never know the days that will come around to see each other again. Because of this, our relationship exists pretty much over the phone. Over text, snapchat, twitter, facebook, instagram, e-mail, trivia crack, kik, you name it. Sometimes all of them at once just to annoy one another. As everyone knows, it can get easy to misunderstand someone over text. If you're in a long-distance relationship, this will happen, a lot. I'd probably say that's the biggest con to being a long-distance relationship... only being able to see their words rather than hear them.
Being in a long-distance relationship has been spectacular in the sense that we do physically have our separate lives. Although we like much more to spend our days together, because of the distance separation, we have to go on with our individual lives alone for weeks at a time, which is healthy in any relationship. We share the same friends, but we have different relationships with those friends. We both are focused and driven on our different career paths and school studies and we’re supportive in that fact. We value time with our families and make sure that time is so fully spent. We are able to focus on our own lives and then have time for each other within the madness of these lives. It’s just great.
Seeing each other’s motivation and hard work in one another's individual lives has created this immense respect in one another, even though we are so different. (Which leads me to another thing, respect the person as a person before you respect them as a significant other. Thanks, Aretha Franklin.) I left university to start my career as an actress and he is a hockey player studying Engineering, Science and Mechanics in the Honors College at Virginia Tech. (Holy different.) Yet, we have such an appreciation for each other’s fields and push each other to be great every day even though we can't physically be there.
I feel like I went on so many rants in this blog and I’m not sure if I’m making sense but yeah long-distance is awesome and has helped build me not only in my relationship but has built me as a person. I have not only learned to value my own individual time and work but his as well and everyone’s around me. Thanks to technology, we really are just a phone call away. You are always a phone call a way from someone you love. Whether that is your boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, brother, sister, grandparents, best friend.
Luke entered my life in the time of my life that has changed me the most. From leaving school, to moving out to California my own and making a mark on this industry, to being accepted to the American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco and moving out there alone, to coming back home and booking auditions he's been there for my best and for the times where I was partly living out of my car, or living in a box, or getting so sick I couldn't walk, to getting rejected in auditions, or losing so much money I don't know when I'd eat again. He's been there for it all. He became my best friend and confidant and my Guardian Angel's best bud. From the days I called him crying on the phone to the days I called him screaming in happiness, he is always right there -- a phone call away.
This long-distance relationship has opened my eyes to being completely vulnerable with someone and just letting your heart decide your route. (Which has served great importance in me this year.) In regards to any relationship, I have grown and learned through this experience how utterly important it is to leave that voicemail, to check up on that friend you had in tenth grade biology, or to send a random e-card. Time is always limited.
Sorry, it’s late, and I think this blog went everywhere, really. Hopefully it spoke to at least one of you in some way or another. Well, I’m going to check out now and go spend some time with my awesome mom so peace out y’all.
Let me know what you guys think PLEASE, it’s so so helpful to me.
Feel free to leave comments, subscribe, and text/e-mail/mail/kik/Trivia Crack/call me and say hi if you want. I do love Trivia Crack and I get a little competitive but I’m always down for a good game. If you are that friend from tenth grade biology, I remember you, let's go grab a smoothie sometime!
Especially Luke who's reading this.